Novel: who is the dirty old rascal?


Dirty old rascal

Everyone is supposed to have a novel in them, and I’m no exception. I started this novel in the late nineties, and after finishing a first draft came back to it from time to time. Several years ago I thought about trying to get it published. So far though I’ve had no luck with agents, but I refuse to accept defeat. I’m willing to listen to all reasonable offers from literary agents and publishers. Be warned: one day there might be a bidding war and you’ll regret it.

Max is the cook in the Castle. Every day he has to produce a different dish for his King, or else he faces an appropriate “education and remediation”. But he just has two hundred days to retirement - before he falls in love with someone he shouldn’t. Meanwhile, someone is murdering the maids and felling the footmen, and unfortunately the evidence points to Max. Who is the dirty old rascal? (Don’t worry, it’s not THAT sort of book - the little rudeness there is disguised. Perhaps it would sell better though if I said it was a porn book, although the buyers would soon be asking for their money back).

A fantasy, a murder mystery, a love story, and adventure, a comedy, a fable, a satire, and a surreal parody of western life today. It’s Kafka meets Terry Pratchett meets Mervyn Peake. Gruesome yet suitable for children (although called “sick” by some), this book is for everyone. You can’t afford to miss it.

Suggestion on how I can make the above more sellable would be most welcome!

Click here for the beginning of the novel. You’ll want to read more. And then if you enjoy it you can download the first 80 pages FOR FREE from Dirtyoldrascalstart.pdf. If you like it, it is now published (2009) and available from all bookshops or from Amazon UK and USA, for example at:

where it’s so far picked up several 5-star reviews and selling better than I expected. Or again just visit my Amazon author page.